Under the Parasol

I had a long afternoon of reflections with girlfriends last Sunday. We started under the parasol at 1 Twentysix at 11am and ended under the parasol of 09-03 Signature Park at 10pm when we said our goodbye. My girlfriends have helped me in finding my balance, keeping my feet on the ground, keeping my sanity and reminding me of who I am and where I came from. The session reminded me of this part of the book I am currently reading.

There is a truth that is deeper than experience. It's beyond what we see, or even what we feel. It's an order of truth that separates the profound from the merely clever, and the reality from the perception. We're helpless, usually in the face of it. The cost of knowing it, like the cost of knowing love, is sometimes greater than any heart would willing to pay. It doesn't always help us to love the world, but it does prevent us from hating the world. The only way to know that truth is to share it, from heart to heart.

-Shantaram-

Always looking forward to many more sessions like this, anywhere, anytime.

Painting by Joaquin Sorolla y Bastida - under the Parasol Zarauz 1910

The Age of Innocence

She was the Barbie in pink princess outfit. Tiara on her head and glittering pink stiletto. I was worried she would start wearing make up at Grade 2. Now, she refused to wear a skirt, anything pink or purple, anything with glitters or ribbons or flowers. Anything that associates her with being girlish.

This morning, she lost her headband. The only one she likes after 2 hours of shopping. It was blue and no ribbons, no glitters, just plain blue. I decided to tie her hair with the simplest purple hairband I could find, one step better than the rubber elastic you found from fish market. As I was walking her to school, I saw the hairband was no longer on her hair. She said it fell. Yeah right! Well, at least she likes to wear undies to school now. I just have to focus on the positives.

The photo was taken 6 years ago when she insisted on wearing a fairy outfit to a mall. The boy was her 1st boyfriend, an Iranian-Pakistani descent. She collects boys now like she collected Barbie outfits 6 years ago. This semester, her collection is blonde long-haired boy named Griffin. She likes him because he has long hair and his name reminds her of a griffin in her fantasy book.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Irrespective of how many times I have sent my two kids to school, I still feel melancholic on my way back to a quiet home. I should feel relieved but not. It is funny and sad at the same time. It is funny because I longed for a quiet time to myself but I don’t really enjoy it when I have it. It is sad because I am worried that I have set my life to be dependent on my children. A new friend I met yesterday told me that we should feel grateful of the noise the children make at home. It shows that they are healthy, living their childhood and are using their brain creatively to annoy each other. I love positive energy with a dash of wisdom.

Any schoolboy can do experiments in the physic laboratory to test various scientific hypotheses. But man, because he has only one life to live, cannot conduct experiments to test whether to follow his passion or not.

“The Unbearable Lightness of Being”

Milan Kundera

Love is....

This is our wedding vows. The phrases meant much deeper than they were 10 years ago. I sworn that this is the best relationship advice I have ever received from anyone.

Kahlil Gibran on "Marriage" and his painting "Love".

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow

I’m being taken over by The Fear

My kids are driving me crazy. I can stand the high decibels they make when they are happy but I just can't stand it when they fight. I don't remember fighting with my siblings when I was small. Even now when we have our own children, we still don't fight. No confrontation. We would go back and cry and forgive and forget and things will get back to normal. When we were young, my parents would not take side. I didn't like it. Now, I understood and I like what they did and I am doing just that to my children.

So when they are fighting, I am listening to Lily Allen on my Ipod to drown out the noise. My children can't listen to her songs yet, just too explicit. They can continue to like U2.

I want to be rich and I want lots of money
I don’t care about clever I don’t care about funny
I want loads of clothes and i want loads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them

And i’ll take my clothes off and it will be shameless
Cuz everyone knows that’s how you get famous
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah I’m on to a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cuz I’m being taken over by The Fear

Life’s about film stars and less about mothers
It’s all about fast cars concussing each other
But it doesn’t matter cause I’m packing plastic
and that’s what makes my life so xxxxing fantastic

And I am a weapon of massive consumption
And its not my fault it’s how I’m programmed to function
I’ll look at the sun and I’ll look in the mirror
I’m on the right track yeah we're on to a winner

I don’t know what’s right and what’s real anymore
I don’t know how I’m meant to feel anymore
When do you think it will all become clear?
‘Cuz I’m being taken over by The Fear

Forget about guns and forget ammunition
Cause I’m killing them all on my own little mission
Now I’m not a saint but I’m not a sinner
Now everything's cool as long as I’m gettin thinner

I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight

She's a rainbow and she loves the peaceful life
Knows I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight
There's a part of me in the chaos that's quiet
And there's a part of you that wants me to riot

Everybody needs to cry or needs to spit
Every sweet tooth needs just a little hit
Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot
How can you stand next to the truth and not see it?

A change of heart comes slow

It's not a hill, it's a mountain
As you start out the climb
Do you believe me, or are you doubting
We're gonna make it all the way to the light
But I know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight

Every generation gets a chance to change the world
Pity the nation that won't listen to your boys and girls
Cos the sweetest melody is the one we haven't heard
Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear?
The right to appear ridiculous is something I hold dear
Oh, but a change of heart comes slow

Beautiful

Beautiful is the exact word that can describe the holiday I had in Australia and Malaysia. What can be more beautiful than spending good, quality time with your family and good old friends.

Now I am back to reality. Do I have a choice to make reality a fiction?

Now I understand when my father-in-law said that he is busy this year doing his tax returns. I have now joined the retirees underworld. I need to get out before I find it to be enjoyable.

I am still in my prime, prime, prime!!!!